dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize