I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
