I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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