but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
