remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
