I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
