I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
