Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
