Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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