Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just forgot I was standing up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
