He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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