The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
