R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
