he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Someone signed my nipple.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
