my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
