im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
