I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
