Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
