he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
