also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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