uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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