Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
