but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
