it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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