You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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