My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
