i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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