Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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