i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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