just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
