He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
