remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize