totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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