dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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