I am spending my child support on dildos
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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