Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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