Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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