I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
