I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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