You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry about my life...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
