addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
