cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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