in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
