I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
