i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
not ubering you a puppy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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