no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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