I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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