Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
