they need to just BURY HIM!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I supernannyed him into submission
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
