Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
