Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
