Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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