I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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