But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
