is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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