my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
