Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
