I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
