I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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