i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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