Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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