I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bring me that man meat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
