She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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