The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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