you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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