So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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